I shivered everytime I had to go into town. The thought of going through all of the places we used to be, the increased probabilities of running into you, of feeling my heart trapped inside your hate, instantly infected my mind. I walked fast, trying to hide, wishing I was invisible. At least to you. Of course I never did actually see you. Not alone anyway. So I was almost trying to convince myself I was being foolish, and walked a little less restless by now.
I went through the abandoned mall and it hit me immediately. I took a big breath. 'It's morning, the odds are close to none. You're being childdish'. I went down the stairs. You were walking through the door. My heart dropped to my stomach. I felt so out of place I wanted to leap out of my body and disappear. 'Just act like it's nothing.' I kept walking. Looked away like I hadn't even seen you. Hate had crossed your eyes the moment you saw me, but you'd kept on walking as well. As you passed by my side and I thought it was over, you pushed me against the wall. I fell into it with a moan. You didn't miss out on the pleasure it carried.
At first I thought you were going to kill me. The way you came at me... But now you were looking at me a whole different way. There could be hate, confusion, everything and anything, but your lust for me had always been superior to it all. You gazed into my eyes, held my hands onto the wall. Looking for something, something inside of me. The truth you thought would only come from my soul. But it was all over me. In the my breath, my lips, every single part of me was craving for you. To feel you that close to me once again, imagining your skin on mine, your mouth on mine... You glanced at my lips, and as you closed your eyes, I called your name.
You whispered, in a soft daze: 'What?'
'Get away from me.'
You broke out of the hot, sweat dripping state of trance we'd created and looked at me in shock. I stood there, in your face, my eyes glued in yours, emotionless. You jumped away and punched the wall besides me. You starred at the ceilling above us. 'Why are you doing this to me?' You looked like you were about to break into tears. Instead you just laughed and screamed. 'Look at me! Look at what you're doing to me!'
I jumped in your face, my eyes letting my torn-apart-heart show:
'You think I don't know??? We fucked up, ok? We both fucked up! And it wasn't supposed to be like this, and it was supposed to be easy but it's not! And everytime we meet, our hearts are going to ignite and there'll be a fucking electrical storm inside of us, but we're going to have to deal with it. And it will burn, and it'll hurt like hell, but we have to do it, because that's what we chose and that's what we fucking deserve!'
You stood quietly for a second. Then you took out a cigarette and leaned on the wall by my side. We just stood there, in silence, gazing at the wall in front of us. Felt comforting somehow. Feeling each others presence - even though it had been us in the first place, who provoked such fury. You rested your head on my shoulder.
'I love you'.
I caressed your arm.
Your words felt like a sentence. But so did mine:
'Me too'.